Plot: Murdoch (John Rhys-Davies) is a man of considerable wealth, but that means little as he faces a terminal cancer diagnosis. In an effort to find a cure before his time runs out, he funds some unusual research methods and one of those involves an anaconda from deep in the Amazon. A unique serum made from blood orchids has been injected into the snake and if the results are positive, the serum can be moved to human trials and soon after, Murdoch himself. But as time is of the essence, corners are being cut at the research lab and when the anaconda has an unexpected burst of violence, it escapes and now must be tracked down. Now master hunter Hammett (David Hasselhoff) is called into action and since he trapped the anaconda in the first place, he is confident he can bring it in once again. But little does Hammett know the serum has given the snake some new talents…
Entertainment Value: Anaconda was a b movie classic, but the the sequel was not that much fun, so I hoped Anaconda 3 would return to the series’ over the top, b movie fueled roots. And while this sequel still falls short of the outlandish magic of the original, it does lighten the tone and go for more ridiculous moments, so it winds up as an improvement over the previous installment. The narrative is fine and feels connected to the others, but is of course just a thin framework to set up David Hasselhoff and his squad battling it out with the anaconda. The pace moves at a nice clip and there’s a good amount of snake attack sequences, especially once we’re out of the labs and I also appreciated all the false alarms. Anaconda 3 loves to tease the snake and then pull the rug out, but once the chips are down and The Hoff is on the loose, the creature is unleashed and racks up a pretty rock solid body count. I would have liked more colorful characters on the whole, as well as some dialed up dialogue, but for a made for television b movie, Anaconda 3 fares pretty well, I think. If you’re a fan of when animals attack cinema or Hasselhoff, add it to your consideration list.
No nakedness. A tender embrace between the anaconda and The Hoff would have been epic, but whenever the snake mingles with the humans, the results aren’t exactly romantic in nature. But Anaconda 3 is generous with the snake attacks and bloodshed, with much more violence than found in the previous sequel, which scaled back on the action quite a bit. The movie seems to have an obsession with the snake biting off people’s heads, as that trick turns up several times, though it looks passable enough, for low end CGI. One of the decapitations includes a headless corpse wandering around for a minute, firing off bullets and of course, that is a highlight. The anaconda also puts the squeeze on people, uses a new tail barb to cause some trauma, swallows up victims, and one person is swarmed by adorable, miniature anacondas. The dialogue isn’t as colorful as I’d like, so while Hasselhoff delivers his one liners well enough and John Rhys-Davies dials up his performance, that’s about there is here. But some of Hasselhoff’s lines are pure b movie cheese, so that’s a plus. The craziness meter fills a little here, thanks to the b movie vibes, humorous bursts of dialogue, and of course, Hasselhoff’s epic mustache, but things never get that wild here.
Overall Insanity: 3/10