Plot: Van Helsing (Christopher Plummer) is an antiques dealer with an interesting family history and an impressive collection of priceless relics, the latter of which draws the attention of some determined thieves. Solina (Jennifer Esposito) works for Van Helsing and uses her inside knowledge to lead a heist crew into the collection, where she expects to find a fortune. The crew is stunned to discover no cash piles or ancient treasures, but an ornate, ironclad coffin. But Solina is convinced the coffin is just to scare off would be robbers, so the crew steals the sizable find, although two of their members are killed by traps in the process. Soon Van Helsing discovers the theft and panics, as he hasn’t hidden treasure inside the coffin, but a dark, dangerous secret. As the thieves work to pry open the coffin, Van Helsing rushes to prevent that from happening, as if the coffin is opened, an ancient evil will be unleashed upon the world.
Entertainment Value: Dracula 2000 is a bad movie, but it is so gloriously terrible, it winds up as a fairly fun experience. Christopher Plummer as Van Helsing, Gerard Butler as an emo Dracula, Vitamin C shows her tits, and the cast is populated by a ton of actors from this era that weren’t good enough to be leads, but showed up in what seemed like every movie from this period. The movie seems to know it is bad, so it dials up the camp and melodrama, which makes things quite fun. But if you’re after a serious, dark spin on the vampire myth, Dracula 2000 won’t scratch that itch. The pace is brisk and exposition is minimal, with the focus on vampire chaos and hot vampire girls giving seductive looks, while hard rock blasts on the soundtrack. The acting is pure cheese, but most of the cast runs with that approach, especially Butler, Jeri Ryan, Justine Waddell, and Jennifer Esposito, who really camp it up and go for broke in their roles. I found the performance of pop star Vitamin C to be especially campy, as she vamps it up in grand style. Dracula 2000 is a triumph of errors, as few of the decisions work, but the mess made is fun to watch if you appreciate b movies.
The lone nakedness here is a brief topless scene, but we are graced with Vitamin C’s breasts, so that elevates the moment. A lot of sultriness, sex talk, and vamping from the females in this one, but more talk than action. A lot of violence in this one, but not as much blood as you might expect from a vampire flick. The usual bites produce a little, but no big, gushing wounds are offered up, just light red whenever the fangs are put to use. The trap kills early on are nice, with some fun effects but not a lot of blood, while a couple of decapitations are also present, but we just see the rubber head bounce around, not the actual deed itself. A few other instances of violence pop up, but again, most of the nastiness happens off screen. The dialogue is fun, with bad lines performed in campy turns, which adds some entertainment. The ladies steal the show here, dialing up the melodrama and going over the top, especially when the vampire girls try to be seductive, it is quite a sight. Some general banter that pops in can be fun as well, but the girls have most of the best moments here. The overall stupid, but fun vibe earns an insanity point, as well as the ludicrous, but fantastic lore dreamed up for Dracula and the campy performances, so a little craziness here.
Overall Insanity: 2/10