Plot: The pizza from the Country Girl Pizza Parlor might not be the best in town, but the orders never stop and the delivery girls can hardly keep up with demand. This is due to the special orders the parlor allows, where a customer can order not just a pizza pie, but also the beautiful girl who delivers it. John (John Holmes) runs the business with his brother Bob (Bob Chinn) and keeps it stocked with hot ladies and hot pizzas, to make sure his customers remain satisfied. Ann Chovy (Desiree Cousteau) is the newest hire and while her experience is limited to some encounters in Alabama, she is eager to please and passes her interview with flying colors. But with rivals looking to run them out of business and a top secret investigation underway, can John and the girls keep the Country Girl Pizza Parlor open for business?
Entertainment Value: One of the oldest, most reliable tropes in porn is to have a pizza delivery lead to sex, but in Hot & Saucy Pizza Girls, it is the women who show up with the piping hot pies. A classic from the 70s, Pizza Girls has humor, ample sex scenes, and of course, John Holmes. As always, Holmes lays some pipe, but he also shows off his comedic chops with the kind of dialogue that porn is infamous for, with more sausage jokes than the law should allow. The tone here is light, brisk, and silly, with a lot of sex packed into the just over an hour duration. I think the ridiculous dialogue that unfolds between the fuck sessions is one of the film’s best attributes, as it is so corny, but so much fun at the same time. The cast really embraces the free spirited, over the top hijinks, so the performances are fun to watch, both in the sex scenes and during the outlandish banter that happens in between. Of course, this is goofy 70s porn, so if you need more of a narrative than some hot girls trying to not be attacked by a giant chicken, you might be in the wrong place.
This is a porno, so it stands to reason that it features graphic sexual content, including hardcore sexy times. This includes oral, anal, vaginal, lesbian, threesome, and of course, a good old dildo session. These girls show it all and often, so there’s a ton of full, graphic nakedness, including enough bush to landscape an entire nation. The dudes also show off their wares, so it is a steady stream of naked flesh in this one. No blood. No violence happens aside from some off screen attacks by the giant chicken, but that results in feathers, not bloodshed. If you like classic, cornball porn style dialogue, this is a treasure trove of those kind of lines. One liners, dumb banter, and even mid-sex verbal hijinks ensure the dialogue always entertains. I mean, if a cowboy singing during his orgasm doesn’t signal classic writing, I don’t know what does. Stale jokes and lame humor ahoy here, for a lot of fun. This one is more corny than crazy, but the zaniness is dialed up enough to earn some points. The over the top characters, lame jokes, and general wackiness add a lot to the movie.
Overall Insanity: 4/10