Plot: Melissa (Michelle Simone Miller) lost her parents when she was a child, thanks to a tragic lab accident. Her father was researching methods to increase food yields and was focused on how to enlarge the output, since bigger food would mean more food, solving a serious concern. But an explosion destroyed the lab and killed Melissa’s parents, but she was able to survive. Before the lab accident, Melissa has found a small crab she named PeeWee and took it into her father’s work area. She took some grapes from his research station and fed them to PeeWee, unaware that they were part of the larger food project. As an adult, Melissa is still at her childhood home and she keeps watch over the land, with firearms in hand. She doesn’t want anyone snooping around and with good reason, as PeeWee is now a mammoth crab that lives in the pond on Melissa’s property and if anyone knew, it could mean the end for PeeWee. But how long can she keep this massive crab a secret and if someone were to discover her hidden friend, what would become of PeeWee?
Entertainment Value: The “when animals attack” genre is a popular one for low budget filmmakers, but Queen Crab makes an attempt to go back to the old school roots and not lean so much on cheap CGI effects. This one involves some stop motion animation and the giant crab is a lot of fun to watch, especially when it starts to interact with people and the environment. This might not be Harryhausen level stuff, but it was nice to see an effort made to buck the trend of CGI overload. At the same time, Queen Crab does have CGI and of course, it looks terrible. The damaged barn, for example is just awful and does little to immerse you in the movie. But the genre is known for bad CGI, so it is hard to be overly critical in that respect. The non-crab elements of the movie are not as much fun, but still decent enough. The cast isn’t as ham handed as you’d expect, but still not all that great, either. Mark Polonia pops up in a role and of course, genre fans should love that kind of cameo. Ken Van Sant is the stand out, which should come as no surprise, as he has ample experience in low budget b movies, so his turn as the wacky sheriff is well honed in cheese. The real draw here is of course the creature and while hokey, it does evoke a little of that old school charm. So if you like these b movie creature features, give Queen Crab a shot.
No nakedness. A little blood, as the crab does attack some folks, but don’t expect too much bloodshed. The highlight is when the crab assaults a guy, clamps him, and tears him in half. Other than that, not much to mention in terms of the red stuff. The dialogue is hokey and mostly forgettable, but we do have a few fun lines thrown out here and there, of course. I wish that given the whole giant crab and all, the writing was a little more over the top, but it never seems to embrace the goofiness of the premise. I am sure some will appreciate the less campy approach, but since the cast isn’t all that great, it doesn’t really work as serious material. The old guy who complains about his barn and Van Sant are the bright spots, with the best lines. As far as craziness, we have a giant crab that fights the police, a militia of rednecks, a tank, and even jet fighters, so it is pretty wild at times. The effects are passable and fun regardless, but man those jet fighters are hilarious. Aside from the crab related battles and the ridiculous defense of her pet by Melissa, this one isn’t all that out there.
Overall Insanity: 2/10