Plot: The world has been overrun by zombies, flesh eating bastards that seek to wipe mankind out for good. But it wasn’t a virus outbreak or strange comet that caused the undead to rise, it was science. A doctor chose to use his genius to reanimate the dead, unleashing a horde of lab engineered zombies. Some humans survive however, including Aya (Eri Otoguro) who is on a mission she refuses to fail. She wears a cowboy hat, bikini, and feather boa, using razor sharp katanas to dispatch the undead. She plans to slay zombies, battle her own sister, and kill the doctor who started this mess. By her side is a fat guy looking for his sister and a gun wielding badass named Reika (Manami Hashimoto), with countless zombies in their path. Can Aya carve a path through the undead and reach her targets, or will she be forced to join their rotting horde?
Entertainment Value: Based on a popular video game series, Onechanbara: Bikini Samurai Squad promises blood, female flesh, and battles against the undead. I won’t deny that seeing the cowboy hat wearing femme fatale in action is awesome, as she is badass and carries this movie. But at the same time, this picture fails to capture the over the top chaos of the games and also makes the cardinal mistake of long, boring stretches. When the action kicks in, we have video game style fights with CGI sword sparks and wild wire-driven acrobatics. But the almost all of the blood is also CGI and kills the horror element, while the action scenes are far too infrequent. This needed to be one crazy fight after another, with story as a secondary presence. Instead, way too much time is spent on exposition and the narrative simply doesn’t require that much attention. This one is fun in short bursts, but is mostly dull and tiresome.
Just one full topless scene and a nipple slip as all the nudity, which is a crime. This could have been an epic tale of naked schoolgirls against the undead, but sadly, just a few perky jugs are all we are given. On the blood front, there is a lot of red stuff, but almost all of it is CGI effects that are miserable. I know the video game feel is there, but the blood is so poorly done, I can’t score any points for those moments. A few practical effects are here, like a well executed arm removal, but they’re few and far between. CGI blood is just a big no no in my book, especially when it looks this stupid. No real off the wall lines, which is a shock to me, as I expected crazy dialogue to be ample here. And the movie actually remains a standard action/horror movie and refuses to give in to the insanity of the video game series, such a confusing choice. I wanted to love this movie and a few scenes are fun, but overall it is a total disappointment.
Overall Insanity: 1/10