Plot: Emma (Emma Gruttadauria) is a romance writer trying to write her new book, while balancing the constant demands from her publisher. She lives in a bed & breakfast she owns, an older house with all the issues you’d expect. While she should be writing, instead she is micromanaging the world’s worst handyman, David (Joshua Coopman). He breaks more than he fixes, is unlicensed, and just frustrates her in all aspects. Thanks to the severe weather in the area, David is unable to leave the island where Emma lives and has to sleep out in his van. At least Emma has power, unlike most on the island, as she has a generator. Soon a naked girl arrives shrouded in mystery and in the middle of this strange weather, a naked old man is wandering around and a killer happens to be on the loose. As all these forces converge on Emma’s house, who will survive the night?

Entertainment Value: I can deal with bad movies. I love bad movies. But I can’t tolerate boring movies. Night of the Naked Dead is one of those movies that markets itself as a horror movie, but has no scares and minimal tension. This is like a Lifetime original picture, both in tone and execution. The writing is weak in a non entertaining way, though the handyman has some good cringe lines. The story makes no sense and tries to spike interest through unrelated scenes like a laughing girl and a naked homeless guy. The naked guy playing a violin for a few seconds is by far the highlight here. No horror at all, no zombies, no ghosts, just boring nonsense. The biggest mystery you’ll find in Night of the Naked Dead is the disappearing Irish accent of the lead actress. So unless you like wannabe Lifetime dramas with a few random scenes sewn in, you can safely steer clear of the dull Night of the Naked Dead.

Just a heads up, there’s no naked dead. You see topless girls for about five seconds total and that’s all. I get using marketing to help get your movie out there, but this is like some of the worst false advertising I’ve ever seen. A naked zombie girl is on the main artwork and none of what is shown makes it into the movie. A couple scenes of non graphic blood, with a poorly executed harpoon death as the gore highlight. About twenty seconds of violence in total, so keep that in mind. The dialogue would be hilarious if the movie wasn’t so slow moving and dull. The handyman has some funny fuckboy lines, but everyone else is just memorable for the wooden performances. As much as the movie tries to be kooky and random with the intercut nonsense scenes, Night of the Naked Dead is stillborn and offers no real entertainment.

Nudity: 1/10

Blood: 1/10

Dialogue: 2/10

Overall Insanity: 0/10

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