Plot: Professor Rand (Michael Swan) has just shown his class the last known on screen appearance of two Hollywood legends, in part to prepare them for is next lesson plan and partly just to show a porno. As it turns out, Rand wants his students to spend a weekend in the couple’s famously haunted house and explore the legend of the erotic ghost rumored to inhabit the home. The wife went insane and locked herself inside the mansion after her husband’s death, so her spirit now roams the halls and tries to molest anyone she encounters.  While some in the class are excited to hunt for ghosts in a well known location, some don’t believe in the supernatural and are more interested in proving the ghost is just a tall tale. Does the tragic starlet haunt the mansion or is just a fun place to have wild sex parties?

Entertainment Value: I want to start by saying Scared Topless lives up to the title, as it has some women are indeed scared of a ghostly presence and nearly every scene has a topless woman involved. I had fun with this one, as it never takes itself seriously and mixes a substantial dose of naked flesh with b movie vibes, a recipe that I was bound to be taken in by. I think that blend is thanks to director Jim Wynorski, who has crafted a number of popular horror, cult, and sexploitation style movies, so he knows how to make a fun b movie. Of course, you need to be able to appreciate wooden, yet also over the top performances, stilted dialogue, and an abundance of sex scenes, so this not going to win over all audiences. I liked the ridiculous banter between characters, but I wish there was more in terms of horror elements, as what little we have is quite fun, or at least memorable. I also like the brisk pace and just about 80 minute run time, which combine to keep this one kinetic and never dull in the least. I have to think some will dismiss this out of hand, but I had fun with Scared Topless and for fans of b movies with erotic components, I’d recommend this movie.

This is a slice of late night premium cable erotica, so expect a good amount of flesh and a focus on sex scenes. The action never turns hardcore, but you do get some vivid full frontal shots of some of the ladies and of course, a wealth of bare breasts on parade throughout. The sex scenes have some variety, with threesomes, girl on girl, and even some ectoplasm love hijinks. Plus if you like see large breasted women soap up classic automobiles, you’re in luck here. So for those seeking some softcore pleasures, Scared Topless more than delivers on its title. No blood. This one has sex, but no violence and minimal horror elements. The dialogue here is hilarious and never ceases to amaze, with memorable and even quotable lines on showcase. A nice blend of dense characters and stilted writing ensures even the most basic scenes have humorous dialogue, so a lot of fun in this department. On the insanity scale, this one leans more goofy than crazy, but the silly dialogue and performances earn some points. I think there’s more wackiness here than in most of the movie’s peers. The ectoplasm scene alone ratchets up the score by a little.

Nudity: 10/10

Blood: 0/10

Dialogue: 6/10

Overall Insanity: 3/10

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