Plot: There’s not often honor among thieves, but seven crime bosses plan to put aside their differences and pool resources, to create one central, powerful syndicate that can control the Hawaiian islands. The Kahuna (Lenny Montana) is the mastermind of the scheme, which involves carrying out all kinds of underhanded activities that will run down the value of areas and drive out upstanding residents. Once the prices have dropped low enough, the syndicate will scoop in and purchase all the land, then rebuild and rule over an island empire. But the government has learned of the plan and launches a counter-offensive, by unleashing elite operative Drew Savano (William Smith) and authorizing him to do whatever it takes. He soon assembles a squad of colorful, high tier agents to assist him and a plan is put into motion to take out all the crime bosses at once, quite an ambitious plot. But can Savano lead his squad and ensure Hawaii’s safe return, even as he deals with a personal vendetta between himself and the nefarious persona of The Kahuna?

Entertainment Value: This was one Andy Sidaris’ earlier movies, but Seven shows all the hallmarks of his later work and is a total blast to watch. The narrative is straight ahead and effective, with a spy premise that is well executed and allows for some wild moments to pop off. I like how the movie boils down to a council of colorful, varied villains against an elite squad of colorful, varied operatives, as that means we have a lot of personalities, quirks, and skills on showcase. Sidaris makes sure Seven has plenty of action as well, including some surreal sequences, as well as beautiful woman in various states of undress. So yes, even in his earlier works, Sidaris’ beloved “girls with guns” element is present and in full bloom. The cast here is a lot of fun, with William Smith in the lead as our hero and resident bad ass, but he is able to handle the light humor just as well as the action demands. Lenny Montana provides a colorful villain, while Martin Kove was a personal highlight for me, as I love to see him in these kind of wild action flicks. Seven also has a good pace and never feels drawn out, so it is just a fun, often over the top ride that genre fans should love to take.

This is Andy Sidaris, so of course we have gorgeous women in see through shirts and even topless at times. While the sleaze is toned down from Sidaris’ later works, there is still some skin on showcase here. The sex scenes are either mostly tame or happen off screen, so not a T&A fest, but not a prudish effort at all. As for bloodshed, the movie has frequent bursts of violence and the squibs are juicy in this one, as bullet wounds gush a nice volume of crimson. There’s also fist fights, a spear attack, grenade death, and of course, a skateboarder with a crossbow. Yes, I said a skateboarder with a crossbow, who happens to be the film’s top tier assassin. The action also includes explosions, chases, and of course, a helicopter to raise those production values. The dialogue is fun and loaded with cheese, from rampant tough guy talk to innuendos to melodramatic moments, not a lot of big quotable lines perhaps, but a good amount of fun exchanges. Seven has some rather absurd moments, with the skateboarding crossbow assassin as the peak of that madness. The movie just has an offbeat vibe through, so while not always off the deep end, it always feels a little off balance and that’s a good thing.

Nudity: 2/10

Blood: 4/10

Dialogue: 5/10

Overall Insanity: 4/10

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