Plot: Hardball (Hulk Hogan) is one of the best at what he does, but he has gotten weary of late and thinks about the toll a soldier’s life has taken on him. He is soon assigned to escort a massive shipment of weapons and ensure no monkey business goes down, the kind of mission he done a million times. But he has a new partner this time around, a rookie who has a lot of enthusiasm, but Hardball doesn’t have a lot of faith in his skills in the field. Once the weapons have been delivered, Hardball can tell the mission wasn’t as simple as he was told and tired of being lied to and used, he decides to stop walking away and take a stand. But while he prevents weapons going into terrorist hands, his actions have garnered the attention of a dangerous kingpin, who takes aim at not only Hardball, but his beloved daughter as well.
Entertainment Value: Hulk Hogan is the lead in The Ultimate Weapon and to be honest, his presence is about the lone redeeming element here. His performance is stilted and ham fisted as always, but his hair is so wonderful and terrible at the same time, it more than carries this one. Hogan does what he always does, show off his biceps and bark half baked lines, but I always like to see him in these low rent action movies, even if just for how silly the prospect is. This one is too serious, opting to skip Hogan’s skills for one liners and outlandish action scenes and focusing on a weak narrative that might put you to sleep. As if the dull storyline isn’t enough, we also have a terrible sidekick and several strip club scenes, none of which feature naked flesh. I don’t know if this was designed to bore us to tears or it just worked out that way, but The Ultimate Weapon fails to deliver on even basic b movie levels. Unless you’re an absolute maniac for the Hulkster, this one is best left on the shelf.
No nakedness. As I said, the movie takes us to a strip club several times, but no one ever takes off their clothes. The lone bright spot is that Hogan watches his daughter perform on stage, which kind of mirrors the odd, creepy dynamic he would later have in real life with his actual daughter, Brooke. No blood. The movie has some fights, chases, explosions, and shoot outs, but it is all low impact and never feels visceral or even mildly realistic. I do think the movie works best during the action segments however, even if they’re rather forgettable. Hogan has a couple fun on liners, but not as many as you’d think. So aside from a few quips and some minor tough guy talk, the dialogue is overly serious and not much fun. A little goofiness here and there, but not enough craziness to rack up a point. This seems like a ripe choice to dial up the camp and over the top elements, but that wasn’t the approach taken here.
Overall Insanity: 0/10