Plot: Tymez Skwair (Choice Skinner) has big dreams of fame and fortune in the rap game, but he hasn’t found much success. His mother is tired of him lazing about, so she demands he get a job so he won’t end up like a bum. But Tymez’ friends and fellow rappers think she is whack, as the group is on the verge of blowing up and being the next Wu Tang, or so they claim. As the friends freestyle rap, they encounter a beautiful woman named Stesha (Lundun De’Leon) who is wearing a shirt advertising Cryptz, an exclusive underground club. While Tymez tries to track her down, he realizes there is some kind of dark force at work that centers on the club, but is it too late to save himself and his hip hop career?
Entertainment Value: A crew of rappers versus beautiful vampires, with a mystical warrior in the mix? Also known as Vampz in the Hood, Cryptz is a terrible movie in the usual sense, but it also happens to be immense fun. The street lingo alone makes this one worth a look, but there’s so much more to this urban vampire tale than lame rhymes and nicknames. The pace is brisk and the movie runs under 80 minutes, so there’s little down time or dull stretches. The narrative is familiar, but putting this vampire tale into the rap world helps it feel fresh, while also putting in some characters that wouldn’t normally be in this kind of situation. The rappers are aware of the dangers, but can’t resist the charms of a beautiful woman, which adds some humor. The horror element is strong as well, with frequent bloodshed and a good villain, so the blend of humor and horror is mostly well handled here. So if you appreciate your vampires with some rap mixed in, give Cryptz a shot.
The movie has some scenes in a strip club, but sadly, the nakedness is limited to a bare ass and a brief topless scene. The vampire life seems very sexual, but Cryptz makes these vamps remain clothed. But the movie has some wild bloodshed, including very gushy bite wounds that feature nice sprays of crimson, as well as scenes of ripping flesh that look quite cool. The blood volume is pretty nice here, with fairly frequent wounds and overall solid effects work. Cryptz also has some fight scenes, which aren’t polished or well staged, but still fun to watch. The dialogue it outlandish and hilarious, performed by an cast that might not be that great, but compensate with enthusiasm. Almost every scene has at least one ridiculous line, whether it is a one liner, mispronounced word, or dated street lingo. As for craziness, the wild dialogue and rappers vs. vampires angle add a point, but the bulk of the movie follows the usual vampire path.
Overall Insanity: 1/10