Plot: Carter (David Phillip Carollo) spends most of his time working on his art…or jacking off to femdom related internet porn. He is a virgin, saving himself for just the right girl who will steal his heart and his v-card. His roommate has no shortage of sexual hijinks however, banging a well endowed fellow in between her noise music creation sessions, with both activities being quite loud. Soon Carter decides to hire an escort, but when Riley (Melissa O’Brien) arrives, he is instantly smitten and opts to paint her instead of ravish her. The two strike up a quick bond and as he listens to Riley’s wild stories about her work, he falls even harder in love. He is convinced she is the one, but someone else also has their eye on Riley, a dark cult that worships Cthulhu. The birthmark on Riley’s ass is believed to be the sign that she will bear the god’s spawn, which will then take over the world. But will this cult of tentacle worshipers be able to pull of their dark desires, or will Carter rise to the occasion at last?

Entertainment Value: An indie horror love letter to H.P. Lovecraft, Call Girl of Cthulhu rises above the pack and delivers a fun, goopy ride. The narrative is rock solid, with a cult trying to herald in their dark lord and the writing injects a wealth of Lovecraft references into the details. These might be minor touches, but it is still cool to have those for Lovecraft devotees and they are nice in-jokes. The tone is humorous, even with the fate of the world in the balance and while horror/comedy is tough to manage, it works well here. The humor is also woven into the colorful characters and wacky special effects, most of which seem to be practical and quite messy indeed. In an era where PG-13 horror is rapidly becoming the norm, it was fun to see one that drips with ooze, blood, and sleaze. The cast is fine, with Melissa O’Brien and Nicolette le Fay stealing the show, as David Phillip Carollo struggles to shoulder the lead. He is by no means bad, but most of the cast is more charismatic, with screen more presence. I loved seeing Ruby Larocca and Scarlett Storm, despite their all too brief appearance. The pace here is brisk and never gets bogged down, with pretty much wall to wall fun and hijinks. If you’re a fan of indie horror, Call Girl of Cthulhu deserves a spot in your collection.

A good deal of nakedness unfolds here, with numerous topless girls and frequent bare breasts from call girl Riley. Some bare asses also emerge, as the birthmark is on the butt after all, but no full frontal scenes. As this is a Lovecraft inspired production, I have to mention that there is tentacle rape involve and it is quite epic, so fans of hentai style sex scenes should be pleased. I was surprised by the level of bloodshed here, as a lot of blood, ooze, and other fluids run freely throughout. A little CGI shows up and it looks as bad as you’d expect, but most of the effects are practical and a lot of fun. I loved all the decapitations and head trauma, but there’s also stomach fisting, an acidic golden shower, and a lot of low rent, but still cool makeup effects. The bizarre monster that appears in the late in the movie is awesome and ridiculous, as is the sentient mutant penis that goes wild at one point. A drippy, splashy kind of gore permeates Call Girl of Cthulhu and it is a wild ride to soak in. The dialogue is well written and has some memorable moments, but keeps things mostly grounded. I suppose this keeps the material from veering into total slapstick, but I would have liked more crazy lines. But we have fleshed out, colorful characters and some solid fun in the exchanges, so there’s that. So well written, just not as off the wall as I would have liked. In terms of craziness, we have the wacky characters, over the top goop, and some good times with tentacles. Not as insane as I expected, but it still has some wild moments.

Nudity: 4/10

Blood: 7/10

Dialogue: 4/10

Overall Insanity: 2/10

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