Plot: Well, bear with me on this one. In heaven, one wish is granted to Homer and Blackie, to ask for whatever they desire. Blackie chooses a million dollars, while Homer winds up with a mystical timepiece. This watch allows him to travel through time and witness some truly historic moments, such as Paul Revere riding a young lady and Pocahontas showing off her blowjob skills. As Homer time travels, Blackie remains in heaven and watches on his television, which is powered by a watermelon. That’s the essential plot of this one, Homer travels to various time periods and watches some sexy times, while Blackie chills with his watermelon television.
Entertainment Value: This review covers the X rated version of A Clock Work Blue, so keep in mind not all incarnations have the hardcore sex elements. A combination of bad comedy, racial stereotypes, history class, and hardcore porn, this is one of those movies you just have to witness for yourself. The story follows a time traveler who likes to watch people have sex, while his friend back in heaven watches on a television powered by a watermelon. The movie does have some hardcore scenes, but not every sex scene is graphic, so this isn’t wall to wall porn. In between the hardcore, we have cringe worthy humor and historical portrayals. The movie takes us inside the lives of Paul Revere, George Washington, Marie Antoinette, Cleopatra, Helen of Troy, and oh yeah, a Native American eats corn on the cob while Pocahontas slobs on his knob, as it should be. The humor is bland and often painfully unfunny, but it entertains by how awful it can be. Even by porn standards, this is some rotten material and you can’t help but laugh, even if for unintended reasons. I’m not sure who to recommend this to, but if you’re a fan of terrible, old school humor and a low rent porn spin on Quantum Leap, give it a chance.
This has a few hardcore scenes, as well as copious amounts of run of the mill nakedness, so full points on this one. You witness Paul Revere’s balls slapping on a chick’s ass as he pounds her out, Pocahontas gives some head, and we even have a brief girl on girl scene…where the woman struggles to locate the clitoris. Yep. Aside from those scenes, this is all softcore the rest of the way, but that still means plenty of breasts, bare ass, and bush on showcase. No blood. The dialogue is mostly vague historical references and tons of flat humor, but the cringe amps up the entertainment. I still can’t score this one high, but it does have the kind of lines you’ll quote, so there’s that. Plus we have Paul Revere’s great line, “Have no fear, you’re about to get ridden by Paul Revere!” which pretty much earns a point just by itself. In terms of craziness, the miserable dialogue, casual racism, and clitoral avoidance earn some score, but not much. It is a wild movie, but not really one that seems out of control or unpredictable.
Overall Insanity: 3/10