Plot: A war between man and vampires once raged, with both sides locked in combat to gain control. While the vampires had natural abilities that mankind couldn’t compete with, the humans had the Church. The Church would train an elite core of warrior priests to battle the vampires and while it was a blood soaked conflict, the priests were able to claim conquest. In the wake of the war’s end, the Church has seized power and controls most of the surviving humans. Most cities are walled in and governed with an iron fist, with the Church in a position of indisputable power. Even the priests, who won the battles and risked everything, have been set loose and stripped of their power, to live with the huddled masses. One such priest (Paul Bettany) is plagued by memories of loss and when his niece is taken, some claim by vampires, he is all too willing to risk his life once again. The Church denies him the right to work in their name however, even trying to imprison him when he refuses to back down. Can the priest battle both the Church and the vampires to save his niece?

Entertainment Value: I didn’t have high hopes for Priest, but I watched with an open mind and hoped for a fun action/horror hybrid. The story is a little convoluted, but finds a warrior priest going against the orders of a powerful church to hunt vampires, so he is hunted from all sides. The movie has a lot of polish, thanks to a generous budget, but is held back by a bland narrative and some lackluster CGI effects. I appreciate the cool vampire designs, but the CGI is mediocre and that carries into the action scenes, which suffer as a result. At times, the green screen effects look like a video game cut scene, which is never good. I do think some of the visuals look solid and stylish, I just wish the CGI wasn’t so prominent and mediocre. The action scenes are still decent, though the horror element is often pushed aside. The presence of vampires is all that keeps this tethered to the genre, as it otherwise feels more like action or even sci/fi at times. So if you’re mostly interested in the horror side, you might be let down, as it is a small part of Priest’s narrative. The cast is solid and does what they can with the material, with Paul Bettany, Maggie Q, and Karl Urban in prominent roles, while Brad Dourif and Christopher Plummer have smaller, supporting parts. I don’t think Priest is a terrible movie, but it just doesn’t stand out from other big budget, effects driven movies, so it is pretty safe to skip this one.

No nakedness. I mean, the priests swore a vow of celibacy, so you can’t expect them to get their goodies out, right? The blood is mostly CGI and it looks passable at times, but I can’t award full points for CGI bloodshed. There is some practical blood involved, but not much and not often. I also really liked the idea of the vampire design, but the end result is just not impressive. I’m not sure how some of the effects in Priest passed quality check, as the CGI and green screen work is sometimes quite poor. This was a well funded film, so I’m not sure why more care wasn’t taken with the visual effects. The dialogue is overly serious and since the story is on the weak side, the cast isn’t given much to do that stands out. A host of late movie plot reveals try to pump some depth in, but by that point, it is too little, too late. In terms of craziness, this movie has none. It follows the mainstream, effects driven handbook to a tee, which is a shame. A little more personality and some fresh twists could have done a lot here.

Nudity: 0/10

Blood: 2/10

Dialogue: 0/10

Overall Insanity: 0/10

Use this Amazon link to purchase Priest and support my site!