Plot: A prison ship is transporting convicts through space, but three of the prisoners have plans to escape. Theel (Elizabeth V. Costanzo), Dane (Danielle Donahue), and Jada (Marie DeLorenzo) are beautiful criminals who learn they’re not being moved to a new facility, but instead being sold as sex slaves. This prompts them to stage a fight to distract a guard, then the trio races to an escape pod and rockets off the ship. But the ship’s captain Zantor (Steve Diasparra) is not going to let them be free for long, so he takes a shuttle and starts his search. The escape pod lands on a nearby planet and since it was damaged in the process, the three prisoners are now stuck. They soon discover the planet is dominated by talking apes and since the apes are all male, the girls can imagine what might happen. The ruler of the apes Korg (Ken Van Sant) wants to offer up the ladies as a prize to the winners of a fighting tournament, but can they somehow escape and preserve their freedom?
Entertainment Value: This is a micro-budget spin on Planet of the Apes, as only Mark Polonia could deliver. If you’ve seen Polonia’s previous work, then you know about what to expect here. The story finds three pretty prisoners escaping being sold into slavery, only to find themselves once again held as potential sex slaves. The result is a b movie that makes the best of its limitations and while the low rent roots are obvious, it never dampens the spirit of things. As usual, Polonia embraces the lack of resources and gives us monkey masks that look store bought and special effects that are close to a modern Plan 9 as it gets. You have to admire the ambition, even if you’re not a fan of these kind of low budget b movies. This one winds up a little slow, never running with the b movie vibes that much. I kept waiting for the movie to ramp up the zaniness, but it was content to tell a story and remain pretty restrained. But even so, the Polonia charm is all over this one, so fans of his work and micro-budget b movies in general will at least want to give it one look.
No nakedness. This one could have used some bare breasts, but no such luck. No blood either, which isn’t that much of a shock. This never veers into horror territory, so the violence is minimal and non graphic when it does happen. Just some silly fights and video game style laser guns, no real potential for gore. But hey, I wouldn’t have minded more b movie madness in this one. Even some bargain basement blood might have spiced things up a little. I appreciate that the film wanted to tell a story, but this narrative could used a boost, I think. In terms of dialogue, the movie has a good sense of humor at times, but rarely goes over the top. Given the circumstances, that’s a little odd to me, but we still get a handful of terrific lines here. The banter between the prisoners and the apes provides some solid entertainment. The ship’s captain looks like Rick from Pawn Stars and a woman gives birth to an ape action figure, but outside of those minor elements, this one isn’t that crazy. Which is a shame, as I think amplified craziness would have worked wonders here.
Overall Insanity: 1/10