Plot: A pair of hot chicks rob a bank in a blood soaked heist, but when it comes time to split the cash, things take a sinister turn. As if greed and paranoia weren’t enough to deal with, there seems to be some kind of dark presence at work in their rural cabin. The police are baffled by the crime, but the cabin’s owner seems to think a local legend is involved. She recalls the tale of a giant man driven to madness right in front of a group of potential customers, but they seem unbothered and decide to check in. The weekend is supposed to be about skiing, cutting loose, and having a good time, which is what happens at first, but things veer off course quickly. Soon a chain of violent murders erupts, as someone or something is stalking the group of friends, one by one. But is it just a serial killer operating in the shadows or is there some truth to the local legend that claims a supernatural force is involved?
Entertainment Value: Satan’s Blade is a fun, but formulaic slasher that hasn’t held up as well as some of its peers. I have no issue with slashers following the standard blueprint, so I don’t mind that aspect. The story is fine, setting the table for the series of kills and even offers up a cool reveal toward the conclusion. I do think Satan’s Blade runs on the slow side at times, spending a little too much time on the drama of the victims, instead of bolstering the horror angles. The kills are also passable, but fail to offer either the blood level or creativity the genre is known for. So watching Satan’s Blade now, it comes off as rather dated and quite tame. But I still think there’s a lot to like here, especially when it comes to the cast, who can be a lot of fun to watch. The performances are stilted and awkward, but add so much entertainment value. Given the slow pace, the wacky performances are a big part of what saves Satan’s Blade, I think. I also like the banter between the female friends, as well as the unintentional humor of the girls finding a frumpy husband to be the hottest man on the planet. While it has some issues, Satan’s Blade is still recommended to fans of slashers and 80s horror.
This one has nice topless scenes, with a handful or so of them available, though most are rather brief. But the quality is there, as the girls are beautiful and their racks are glorious, so no complaints. This is a slasher movie, but it shows immense restraint when it comes to the bloodshed. The body count is impressive, but the actual kills leave a lot to be desired. The violence usually happens off screen and when it is shown, it isn’t graphic at all. I can overlook the lack of crimson, but the kills aren’t creative either, so it just kind of feels like filler at a certain point. I’d rather have less, but more memorable kills instead of numerous, but forgettable ones. The dialogue has some bright spots, mostly from girl talk banter. The performances tend to shine more than the dialogue though, so we don’t have a wealth of quotable moments. But you’ll still get a kick out of some of these performances, I think. Aside from the end sequence, this one plays within the rules of slasher films and rarely ventures out. So I’ll give one point for the reveal at the end, but that’s about it.
Overall Insanity: 1/10