Plot: Helen Keller (Jessie Wiseman) is blind and deaf, thanks to a horrific incident that involved the monstrous nightwolves. Her mother tried to pick up some logs, her father worked hard on his swords, and her brother was passed out in the outhouse from too much alcoholic root beer. So when the nightwolves came, it was a slaughter and Helen lost both her parents and two of her senses in the assault. Her best friend Ann (Alanna Ubach) was also blinded, but she was once stuck in a butter churner, so she knew how to cope with such a situation. Soon Ann teaches Helen how to read lips and listen through a glass jar, but the town is still in immense danger from the nightwolves. But when they cross paths with a rugged furniture maker named Jonathan (Barry Bostwick), things start to look up. But this ragtag band of misfits manage to save the town from a force as deadly as the nightwolves?
Entertainment Value: As you should be able to guess from the title, Helen Keller vs. Nightwolves is not a movie that takes itself seriously. If you’ve seen other Ross Patterson movies, then you know about what to expect. The story is outlandish and hilarious, an origin story for Helen Keller that pits her against a band of wolves that the movie claims are real wolves painted to look like fake wolves. The visual effects are Windows Paint level stuff, abrupt cuts to obvious stock footage are used, and we have all kinds of fourth wall breaking elements present. The writing is broad, random, and over the top, matched only by the performances of a colorful, very game cast that takes that writing and runs with it. The cast really seems to embrace the madness and we have memorable turns from Barry Bostwick, Alanna Ubach, Lin Shaye, Richard Riehle, and Jessie Wiseman, who is beyond ridiculous as Helen Keller. I can see this movie just confusing and offending most people, but I had a lot of fun with this one. The humor is so weird and random, but most of it works and even the lame parts tend to be passable, as the cast is so damn into the spirit of things. If you like horror/comedies and offbeat, over the top humor, this one is worth a watch.
No nakedness. There’s some blood involved, some practical and some…that looks like it was done with Windows Paint. A lot of the visual effects have that low, low rent quality and given the movie’s nonsensical tone, it fits in. The practical blood is usually just seen after the violence, like Helen’s scars or the scene where her mother keeps coughing up blood into her face. The wolves are a blend of stock footage, terrible visual trickery, and stuffed mounts. It is as outrageous as it sounds. As for dialogue, this movie is packed with random, off the wall lines and while some fall flat, I think most work even if just to get a small laugh or look of confusion. This writing might not work in most movies, but the cast here just gets it and goes all out to make it work. Plus where else can you see Helen Keller rub wolf shit all over Barry Bostwick’s face? On the insanity scale, this one earns a good score, but the comedic tone and intentional camp lessen the impact. Even so, this is a wild ride that never stops trying to entertain, befuddle, offend, or just throw out the most random shit possible. Besides, it is about Helen Keller and her war against wolves, let us not forget that.
Overall Insanity: 7/10