Plot: Uncle Mike (Michael Mesmer) is babysitting his nephew Brian (Brian DePersia), but he just wants to watch a nude beauty pageant on television. But Brian just won’t go to sleep, as he wants to hear some bedtime stories before he turns in. Mike doesn’t want to tell him stories, but he gives in and hopes the kid will just go to sleep. He weaves a tale about two old witches who keep a young man as their slave, doing their errands and what not. The witches concoct a plan to reanimate their dead sister, but they’ll have to kill a couple of people to make it happen. When Brian asks for another story, Mike tells him about Rachel, a young girl who is about to lose her virginity and a strange man who stalks her after a mix up at a drugstore. Still not satisfied, Brian asks for one more and Mike recalls the classic yarn of Goldi Lox and the Three Bears, but this time Goldi is a sadist with telekinetic powers and the Bears are a family of insane murderers. Will Brian ever go to sleep?
Entertainment Value: A capable video store staple, Deadtime Stories kind of fell off the radar for a while and only appeared in budget DVD releases. The movie deserves a better fate than to fade out though, as it offers a nice blend of horror and humor, but this is more adult humor. Whereas movies like House II provide family safe chills, Deadtime Stories earns that R rating. The stories are solid, as is the framing tale about an uncle who wants to watch porn but his stupid nephew won’t go to sleep. The story about the witches tends to be the least popular, but I appreciate the gore and who doesn’t love an old woman’s breast? The werewolf story in the middle is passable, while the final story is bonkers and over the top, piling on slapstick humor. I love the take on Goldilocks though, she is hot and quite entertaining to watch. Cross eyed telekinesis isn’t something you see often in the horror genre, after all. If you like 80s horror and don’t mind dark humor mixed in, give Deadtime Stories a chance.
The movie gives us an old woman’s bare breast, a guy’s naked ass, and the beautiful jugs of Goldi Lox. Goldi’s goodies are given a good amount of screen time in her shower scene, as she sings about how she likes to fuck in the rain. Great tits and outlandish dialogue in a shower scene? Sold. The blood here is solid, with the first story giving us a really cool reanimation effect where a skeleton slowly transforms into a living witch. I really like that scene, especially the bubbly, goopy stage and the gross webbing that peels off toward the end. There’s also a nice neck impalement scene and some other assorted bloodshed, most of it showing the aftermath, instead of the kinetic violence. Some good lines to be found here, from creepy Uncle Mike and Goldi Lox mostly, but not much as far as quotable dialogue. But fun to watch exchanges abound, though the humor is more cringe than competent at times. I don’t mind that, though. A creepy uncle, wonky eyed telekinesis, and some fun dialogue, some solid craziness here. The humorous tone lessens it to an extent, but there’s still a couple points worth.
Overall Insanity: 3/10