Plot: Donald (Jackie Vernon) is sick of his wife May (Claire Ginsberg), especially her cooking of late. She no longer makes simple meals, but complicated gourmet meals that Donald can’t tolerate. He just wants a basic sandwich, but May packs his lunch with an entire crab inside. Donald drinks to forget and even stoops to chowing down on dog food, until one night he snaps. In a drunken haze, he has a fight with May and when he wakes up, he finds her stuffed inside the microwave. At first he panics, but then decides to slow broil her and store the remains in the deep freeze. He can finally choose his own meals, simple and delicious, even if not good for his health. After he accidentally takes a bite of May’s hand, he realizes he can both feed himself and get rid of the evidence. But is cannibalism the right lifestyle choice for Donald?
Entertainment Value: A blend of horror and twisted humor, Microwave Massacre is odd even by genre standards. Jackie Vernon was genius casting, as he is so far removed from the typical killer and brings such a wild vibe to this. His jokes are groan inducing, but that is what makes him so much fun to watch. A guy spouting dad jokes while fucking and killing women is quite a sight, without question. All of this happens with a literal wink to the audience, as Vernon plays to the camera often. So if you want tension or scares, Microwave Massacre is likely to disappoint. But the cringe humor and Vernon’s wacky performance ensures the entertainment is there, whether he’s barking jokes or acting like a lunatic. The story is simple, as a guy hates his wife, kills then eats her, then becomes a cannibal. This all plays out in front of a microwave the size of a small car, with no attempts at realism whatsoever. So if you appreciate humor (especially bad humor) mixed with your horror, check this out one.
A number of beautiful bare breasts are showcased in Microwave Massacre, so no shortage of jugs in this one. A highlight is a nude woman being buttered by a huge knife as part of a giant sandwich, which is beyond awesome. You also see some short shorts, so nice ass shots and camel toe views, even if the girls aren’t naked. On the gore side, the movie isn’t that graphic, relying mostly on assorted severed body parts. The kills happen off screen, so don’t expect a wave of blood soaked violence here. The dialogue is hilarious for all the wrong reasons, as Vernon’s humor just sinks like a stone. But to me, that’s great news and whether I was laughing or cringing, I was entertained. The idea of a horror movie with this old school sense of humor is pretty crazy, not to mention Vernon’s performance, the giant microwave, and all the 80s goodness. Even so, the film loses some points for doing so much off screen, which lessens the craziness. At the same time, a girl does use a vibrator to dig holes in a garden.
Nudity: 4/10
Blood: 2/10
Dialogue: 6/10
Overall Insanity: 5/10
Marc Fusion 