Plot: Vood (George Eastman) is next in line to lead his tribe, but he has some issues in his past that concern some of the elders. Those who oppose Vood stand behind Ela (Sam Pasco), a powerful warrior and hunter. When the tribal leader dies, Vood and Ela clash over who will be next and Vood accidentally kills the tribe’s shaman. Now Vood is chased out of his own tribe, exiled from his home, and forced to find a new existence in the wilds. But then a volcano erupts, Vood finds a strong weapon in the lava, and now he can craft weapons with the power of iron. He meets a woman who sees him as the future ruler of all the lands and Vood returns to his tribe wielding his powerful new iron weapon, and he uses his strength to cast out his rival Ela. But Ela won’t ride off into the sunset without a fight, so who will rule supreme over the tribes?
Entertainment Value: I don’t think Ironmaster would make a good tutorial on crafting iron weapons, but it is a lot of fun. Gay porn star Sam Pasco looks like the lead singer in a hair metal band in this, which seems to be his lone non porn performance. The movie is filled with bulging, sweating dudes in loincloths however, so perhaps he wasn’t aware this wasn’t softcore homosexual porn. George Eastman is also here and of course, he is wild and oafish, always fun to watch. Ironmaster tells a simple story, which is about cave folk walking around with buffalo and something about the creation of iron. The locations are good and production values are pretty solid, between the costumes, sets, and various animals used to create the film’s world. There are some slow sections, but there’s a good amount of action and off the wall moments as well. I was never bored, but of course some added mayhem wouldn’t have been bad. If you like Italian b movies or just can’t get enough George Eastman, give Ironmaster a look.
One nipple slip and a whole lot of monkey dick is what Ironmaster offers on the nudity frontier. The movie has some blood, but not a flood of the red stuff. A lot of animal related violence is present, which is certain to alienate a lot of viewers. We also have some sword slashes, impalements, arrow wounds, and other combat violence, which is usually not graphic. A highlight is the aftermath of a woman having her eye scooped out, as well as the gross leper cave men makeup effects. The dialogue is not that memorable, but the odd sounds of the monkey people and all the shouting in general is fun. Vood also has some nice lines, usually referencing himself non stop. In terms of crazy moments, Ironmaster doesn’t disappoint. We have the naked monkey men, gay porn hair metal cave man, leper cave men, a lion falls out of a tree, and of course, constant buffalo. The movie might not be batshit insane, but it does provide some wild, entertaining moments.
Overall Insanity: 4/10