Plot: Sanna (Victoria Vetri) is a beautiful woman with stunning blonde hair, but in her tribe, her hair color is anything but appreciated. Those in her tribe sacrifice blonde haired people to the sun, hoping to earn favor. She and two other women are lined up in a ritual, but things don’t go as planned and Sanna winds up in the ocean. The sun disappears, replaced by the moon, an event this world had never seen before. Now the tribe blames Sanna for the sun’s absence, certain the failed ritual is being punished. She is rescued out of the water by Tara (Robin Hawdon), a member of another tribe on the island. Now safe from one tribe, Sanna quickly finds herself on the outs with the new tribe, when she gets too much attention from the men there. Will Sanna ever be free to just live or will her blonde hair be the end of her?
Entertainment Value: An attempt to recapture the box office success of One Million Years B.C., When Dinosaurs Ruled the Earth features gorgeous cave women and stop motion special effects. The story is passable, but since the movie is told in cave language it can be a chore to follow. The lack of traditional dialogue leads to stage style performances, with over exaggerated physical movements and a lot of repetition. Akita…indeed. The real draw here though are the women and the dinosaurs. The cast runs around in loin cloths which means plenty of cleavage from the women, always good for business. Victoria Vetri has the lead and she is pretty good, with a constant sense of wide eyed wonder. The movie drags a little in places, but at least there is ample eye candy. In the end, this is a fun Hammer movie that delivers hot cave women and very cool old school special effects, so fans of any of those wonders should check it out.
I viewed the international theatrical version of the film for this review and it has a couple topless scenes. Another scene has a shot of Vetri’s bare ass and while the nudity is brief, it is always welcome to see these uncut versions released. There’s a little blood, but not much. A couple of dinosaur attacks yield bloody wounds, but this is all non graphic and family safe violence. The special effects team did cook up some cool visuals however, with several memorable dinosaurs and battles around them. You see a guy fight a pterodactyl and a poor dinosaur burned to death, plus several other dino themed scenes. There’s also a scene where actual lizards are costumed, which are worth a laugh. Aside from AKITA AKITA AKITA every few seconds, dialogue is just the simple cave language. The film isn’t that crazy, but the special effects are really fun to watch and having no traditional dialogue was a little ballsy.
Nudity: 2/10
Blood: 1/10
Dialogue: 1/10
Overall Insanity: 2/10
Marc Fusion 