Plot: Officer Lucas (Ed Cannon) is not your run of the mill policeman, as he can survive intense gun fights and take on the most powerful criminals by himself. But he can also only work the night shift…as he is a vampire. Lucas has been on the trail of drug lord and pimp extraordinaire Hans Gieger (Terence Jenkins), who is always somehow able to elude even Lucas’ grasp. A sting operation took months to set up, but only minutes to fall apart and even when Lucas’ partner was killed, Gieger got away clean. At the same time, an investigative reporter named Melanie (Melanie Roberts) is looking into the case against Gieger, especially where Lucas is involved. When it becomes clear to Melanie that Lucas is more than just a good cop, his secret could be compromised. Now Gieger has found out about a potential vampire on the loose and seeks to breed a militia of vampires to serve as his personal army. Can Lucas prevent this catastrophe, or will Geiger once more have the last laugh?
Entertainment Value: I should open by saying that for this review, I watched the director’s cut of Vampire Cop. Do you like long, lingering camera shots? Do you like excessive slow motion scenes? If you answered yes to those questions, you will love Vampire Cop. This movie is loaded for bear when it comes to slow motion, sometimes multiple slow motion segments in a single scene. Not even for important moments, just whenever and for whatever reason. This is a shot on video, low budget production from indie horror maverick Donald Farmer. The cast is what you’d expect, but Terence Jenkins is awesome as the villain (with a tiny rat tail) and genre legend Mal Arnold shows up in a fun small role. The narrative is fine and even has some nice touches, but the real story here is the use of slow motion. I don’t care about anything else, really. You need to see Vampire Cop just so you can comprehend the level of slow motion. Fans of shot on video horror and wacky indie horror should have fun with this one.
There’s a guy in Vampire Cop who never leaves the bathtub, but we never see him in the nude. This is probably for the best since he claims everything has shriveled up, but still hilarious that the dude is always bathing. Vampire Cop has a number of topless scenes, so a few pair of jugs are on showcase. The sex isn’t graphic at all, but hey at least we have the bathing man of mystery involved. On the blood side, there’s some solid gore to soak in and a good amount of blood. The highlights are an awesome scene where a hand gets partially torn off, a very cool melting vampire, and Mal Arnold being chainsawed to death. I wonder if they used his organs in an Egyptian Feast? We also have numerous neck chomps that yield the red stuff and various other minor instances of bloodshed. The lines here aren’t all that memorable, but holy shit, Terence Jenkins’ accent as the villain is insanely awesome. A classic radio voice shifting in and out of an accent, it is simply glorious. The movie never ramps up into absolute madness, but Vampire Cop has some elements of craziness to embrace.
Overall Insanity: 4/10