Plot: As a child, Tommy (Michael Hill) was constantly bullied and made fun of, as he was poor and no one liked him. When some bullies stole one of his shoes, he was nicknamed “One Shoe” and the abuse worsened, but young Tommy took refuge in his dreams about the life of pirates. His parents gave him an eyepatch, though it had a Christmas tree on it, so it didn’t look cool. The local legend claims that Tommy lashed out at his bullies, killing some of them, then vanished into the woods. Years later, a dreamy guy is telling his date all about the tale, right on the spot where Tommy buried the bodies. Of course, Tommy lurks in the area and soon, he tears the guy’s balls off and stuffs them in his mouth. As his bloodlust is bound to escalate, some of his old classmates realize they must band together to end his murderous rampage. But when Tommy faces off with his former school chums one last time, who will survive the ordeal?

Entertainment Value: This micro budget horror movie was made by the old Sub Rosa crew, with Jason Christ, Ron Bonk, Jeremy Wallace, Eric Stanze, and others all involved in various ways. If you’re a fan of indie horror, these names are bound to be familiar, as they’ve been involved in a host of low budget genre films. This one is a slasher with an absurd sense of humor, as evident by the ridiculous monologue toward the start and the ball ripping that follows. The low rent, slapstick approach isn’t for everyone, but I think it works here for the most part. Some sections are a little slow though, but not enough to take you out of the movie. The story is a simple one, setting up a chain of kills and some goofball exchanges, which is what we want here. The humor is hit and miss, but I found the movie to be solidly funny in most scenes. The characters are broad stereotypes, like the nerd, the slutty girl, and the douche with an acoustic guitar, so this isn’t subtle, cerebral humor, just silly fun. The movie is also under 70 minutes, so it never overstays its welcome or drags on. A passable blend of goofy humor and horror, The Christmas Season Massacre is worth a look for fans of indie horror.

A couple instances of nudity, with the highlight being a slow motion shower scene where a girl soaps up her impressive rack. There’s also a quick glimpse of bush and even some man ass, if that’s more your speed. The bloodshed is ample, done in low rent, but creative ways to deliver the gore we all love. A nerd is chainsawed in brutal fashion, with meat chunks tossed around, a woman has her tongue cut and is then stabbed in the cooch, a gunshot blows a massive crater in a man’s torso, and those are just some of the highlights here. I also loved when Tommy had a spike driven into his head, as it is played for effective laughs later in the movie. So some fun to watch, blood soaked kills sprinkled throughout the movie. The dialogue is silly and random, which leads to some failed jokes, but also some hilariously weird moments. The monologue toward the start is so stilted and awkward, you have to love it, for example. Not a lot of home run lines, but the talk about whether fish is fish was a bright spot. The craziness here is consistent, with odd scenes galore and strange moments in a lot of scenes. The couple opening bizarre gifts, ice cream scooper to the tits, the terrible ska music, cringe worthy serenades, and more make this one quite wacky indeed.

Nudity: 2/10

Blood: 5/10

Dialogue: 3/10

Overall Insanity: 6/10