Plot: Tom (Tommy Knight) is about to celebrate his birthday, but he is haunted by a tragic party from his childhood. Six years earlier, his mother hired a clown named Stitches (Ross Noble) to perform at his birthday, but the act didn’t go off quite as planned. The children hated Stitches, who was lazy, hungover, and abusive toward them, which led to some pranks. The kids made fun of him and talked shit to him, finally tying his shoelaces together while he juggled. Then a ball was thrown at him, he tripped over his own feet, and took a spill. The fall caused him to impale himself on a kitchen knife, which went into his eye and out of the top of his skull. Stitches died, but Tom has always been wary that the horrific ordeal was far from over. Even years later, he is certain that bad things will happen because of the clown’s death, since he was never able to finish the party and be at rest. As Tom’s birthday kicks off, tons of people arrive, booze flows, and drama unfolds. But will this be just another teenage birthday bash, or will Stitches finally return to finish his performance?

Entertainment Value: I do love clowns in my horror movies, so I had to check out how Stitches would stack up to the competition. The story is passable, with a clown that seeks vengeance from the grave, but Stitches himself is what powers this movie. Although I do love the idea of clown phylacteries, such a wild concept that is put to excellent use in the narrative. Ross Noble plays Stitches and is a lot of fun to watch, when he is on screen the movie works on all cylinders. He has the comedic presence to make the humor work, as well as the dank persona to properly portray a rundown, nasty clown. But when he isn’t on screen, Stitches fails to maintain interest and slows way down. The writing is weak and the cast is too bland to keep pace with Noble. It tries to be a raunchy teen comedy when the horror is toned down, but it just falls flat. Luckily Noble is around more often than not, so the good outbalances the bland. The horror side has a dark comedic edge, which Noble pulls off with ease. Some wild, creative kills help bolster the movie as well, so there’s a lot to like here. I just wish the rest of the movie was as fun as Noble, but at least he carries the film well. I’d recommend this to anyone who appreciates clowns in horror, dark humor, or over the top gore.

There’s one split second nipple slip, but otherwise no nakedness. But we do have one lingering shot of a hot girl’s ass, so there’s that. What it lacks in breasts, Stitches at least tries to compensate for with blood. This movie has some crazy kills, with an overinflated head ranking as my personal favorite. Brain scooping, eye piercing, stabbings, and even a colorful scene with an umbrella stand out, but there’s more bloodshed where those scenes came from. The effects are a mix of practical and CGI, with the digital effects being quite obvious to pick out. As frequent readers know, I can’t give full points for CGI, but there’s a tidal wave of the red stuff here. And some yellow stuff, both urine and yolk runneth over here. Stitches himself has the best lines, with assorted one liners tossed out as he eliminates the poor teens. Some of the teen drama has humorous lines, but most are forgettable and sharp lines are sparse. You have to give this movie a few crazy points, as we have a fun, disgusting clown, some creative and blood soaked kills, and the whole clown phylactery concept, which is awesome. Not as off the rails as it could have been, given the Stitches character, but some nice moments of insanity here.

Nudity: 0/10

Blood: 7/10

Dialogue: 3/10

Overall Insanity: 3/10

Use this Amazon link to purchase Stitches and support my site!