Plot: Louise Miller (Robyn Lively) is about to turn sixteen, but her life feels anything but sweet. She is unpopular in school, the guy of her dreams is out of her reach, and nothing seems to go right lately. When she is run off the road by her crush Brad (Dan Gauthier) and her bicycle gets a flat, she wanders into a fortune teller’s shop to use the phone. Once there, Madame Serena (Zelda Rubinstein) quickly recognizes that Louise is herself a witch and on her birthday, her supernatural powers will manifest. Louise brushes her off, but once her birthday fizzles out, she starts to make some wishes. Those wishes come true and Louise realizes that Serena was right about her powers. Now Louise can use her witch skills to improve her social life and make her dreams come true. But will she be happy once she has it all or will there be a price to pay?

Entertainment Value: I am biased when it comes to Teen Witch, to the point I once married a girl because she reminded me of Louise Miller. I think this is an undervalued 80s classic, a movie that hits all the mainstream notes, but has an odd texture that makes it stand out from the crowd. The story is well worn, with a girl who wants what she can’t have, until she has it. But it has some nice little twists pulled in as well, such as the nonsensical musical segments and Dick Sargent’s sweaters. The cast is quite good, with the megahot Robyn Lively in a sweet, very 80s lead performance. Zelda Rubinstein is a great addition too, playing off her Poltergeist character, while Joshua Miller nails the annoying little brother role. A sweet movie with a great lead and some odd decisions, Teen Witch is must see for any fans of 80s cinema.

I would kill for a Louise Miller nude scene, but sadly no nakedness in Teen Witch and no blood either, given the teen comedy genre involved. But when it comes to quotable dialogue, Teen Witch more than delivers. The little brother’s cruelty yields some great lines, as do the strange musical interludes. Perhaps nothing could indeed ever top Top That, an off the rails, white people rapping in the late 80s shitshow scene that is just mind boggling. You can’t help but cringe as you watch the Top That sequence, but it is also beautiful and just so outlandish you have to love it. The scene where Louise hides all the chairs is also an example of the film’s sometimes offbeat sense of humor. Teen Witch is a teen comedy that seems like mainstream fare, but has enough weird decisions and odd moments to earn a decent insanity rank.

Nudity: 0/10

Blood: 0/10

Dialogue: 8/10

Overall Insanity: 5/10

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